I am 5’1 and weigh 118lbs. I go to gym almost every day. I do all kinds of exercises, weights, stability, boxing, running, stairs, circular training, squash etc. anything that gets me sweat. I shop at Bebe and my size is XS. I wish I am 10lbsless but I was proud of my six-packs.
In summary, I didn’t feel perfect but good. But that was all before I went back to China. I arrived in China as a confident American woman, but when I left I felt like an old and ugly Chinese elephant.
The first three days in the Grant Hyatt in Beijing was okay because I didn’t have time to look around, or maybe because when I did see people, most guests in the hotel are foreigners. Before the flight to Shanghai, I went shopping, and when I saw all the 100lbs Chinese women walking in front of me, I started to think—oh my I am almost 20 lbs heavier than them, I wonder if they think I am fat?
The minute I arrived our village home, my mother looked at me and said: “hmm, you are not thin any more.” My heart thumped once. So indeed, I am not thin.
I didn’t bring many clothes, so my mother picked out a bunch of my sister’s. I couldn’t fit in most of them. Spring is smaller. Finally I picked a loose top. I was embarrassed and a bit depressed. Okay, I don’t think I am a XS at all, it’s clear—I am a medium. Later Spring told me she was a medium by the standard in the town. Okay, so I am a large now.
Later I was playing with my nephew Tiantian. I was wearing a skirt. He looked at my bare leg and said: “auntie, why is your leg so big?” My mother echoed him, “yeah, auntie’s leg is really big, isn’t it?” Tiantian seemed to be encouraged, and smiled to me, “auntie, you are fat like a piggie!” I almost fainted. So I am an XL now.
The night before the flight back to the States, I checked in Westin Shanghai. A week’s village life had made me feel like ten years older, dirty, heavy and unattractive. My mother and I weighed ourselves on the scale in the bathroom. Geez, I weighed 122lbs now. Then I looked at myself in the mirror, and I started to see flabby skins, fat belly, muffin top etc. Oh God, I realized that the mirrors in Westin are much more accurate than the one at my US home—they showed the real me. I was devastated, and disgusted of myself. How did I let myself get to this point.
So I didn’t touch any airline food on the return flight. From now on no more bread, no more muffins, no more alcohol, no more sugar, no salad dressing, no snacks.
My best friend Pavlina called me, “sweetie I cannot wait to catch up with you. Let’s have dinner tomorrow!” I mumbled and stumbled, “huh…I am skipping dinner now.” “What? Why?” “I am fat, I am extra large, I have more wrinkles, fat belly, my mother told me.”
“Oh my God, I have never seen any one in better shape than you. Your belly is flatter than a pancake. They brainwashed you in China.”
I look at myself in the mirror. Am I fat or thin? I am really confused. I’d better believe my mother, she loves me and that’s why she doesn’t lie, Pavlina loves me too and that’s why she wants me to feel better. I’d better stick to my diet. End.
Hi Aisling,
I totally know what you mean. I think it’s a cultural difference. In the US, I am considered thin and wear a size S. But when I was in China, everyone told me I was fat. In China I was a size L at the very least. I think in the rural areas of China, people still might not get as much protein as we get in the US, so their muscles might not be as developed. Plus, if you work out, you’ll have a lot of muscle, which weighs more than fat. Your best friend looks at you and sees a thin person, but when your family looks at you, they see a body type that is probably not typical in their hamlet (someone who works out and has muscles!). I’d rather be fit and in good health than too thin with bad muscle tone. You know you’re a good person, so don’t let the comments in China get you down!
Susan
Sure.