I remember that on New Year eve of 2009, when my best friend Pavlina and I did our champagne toast in the Liberty Hotel in Boston, I screamed to her amid the crowd noise: “2009 will be a great year for me, my year to shine, to rise, I can feel it, really! I will become rich and famous!”
I had every reason to be that enthusiastic when the clock hit the first hour of 2009.
- I had just gone through a horrific depressing 2008 as my divorce became real and final.
- The court allowed me to change my name, both first and last, to Aisling Juanjuan Shen, effective the first day of 2009.
- My memoir was scheduled to hit bookstores nationwide on July 1st.
- I had just signed a contract with a New York PR agent to roll out a multi-month campaign to publicize me and my story prior to the book release. Publicity prospects were flying, national TV shows, radio talks, Glenn Beck, Diane Sawyer, NPR, Opah, etc. everything was a possibility. Book reading and signing tours were being planned.
- I was in the best shape of my life. My size was down to 00. I was being hit on constantly, something that I never had before.
- I was having a pathetic but intoxicating fling with a famous pro football player that really got my dream of fame going.
- I was taking private ball room dancing lesson so that one day I could get on the show “Dancing with the Stars”.
Time flies and now only a few days are left in the year. I have been a published author for six months. And I just want to say, life hasn’t changed much at all. I still go to work 7am every day, leave in 10 hours and go to the gym. I am still alone most of the time, reading my favorite Chinese books and watching Law and Order in my rental place.
The fame didn’t come, the wealth didn’t come, I didn’t become the NY best selling author, I didn’t get on Opah or any other famous TV shows. I don’t even know how many copies of the book have been sold.
I was disappointed for some time. But I got over it, and I learned something important—no matter who you are, you still have to live life day by day. What’s the ultimate purpose of life? I ask that all the time. Is that the next Gucci bag, or is that castle facing a private lake? And after I get all those things, closet after closet of designer clothes and bags, Mercedes-benz convertible, a private beach, how long will the joy last, and what else is there left for me to fight for? Or should I just be happy with the ordinary daily joy I can have? How can I learn to be content?
No matter what the answer is, I sure have gotten a lot out of the publishing experience. Every time I come home after speaking to a group of audience such as local or national radio shows, or student groups in Wellesley or Harvard, I am always very upbeat, because I learn to be strong from telling my own story. I receive a lot of feedback and appreciation from me telling my story because it gives inspiration. Whenever I hear words like that, not only I am happy, I am also encouraged to live my life better. Because what I tell in the book is my past, has little to do with my present. Sometimes I get depressed, discouraged, lose my purpose, forget to be strong, get lost in the daily life…and when I hear my own story or rethink my path, I gain strength again, I realize I have achieved a lot, and that alone is enough to get me going, to do better.
So I don’t have fame, don’t have wealth, don’t dance with the stars, don’t have the pro football player man (controversial, I know), don’t have a mighty supportive family, but I have a published autobiography, I have excellent health, I have beauty, I have self-confidence, I have strength, I like and respect myself, I am picking my stocks well. I am living life, I am enjoying life, and that’s the most important.